Helsingin Sanomat reporters go undercover to investigate Helsinki’s Thai massage parlors in August.
The Helsingin Sanomat team of undercover reporters visited 30 Thai massage parlors in the Helsinki area in August. The dedicated undercover reporters revealed that the masseuses charge between 20 and 25 euros for a massage and that 100% of the parlors offer prostitution. The report came as a shock to the rest of the 6.5 billion inhabitants of planet earth.

The reporters investigated masseuses in the areas of :

Eira (2 separate parlors), Kamppi, Töölö (1 parlor twice a week for 1 month), Hakaniemi, Kallio (16 parlors!), Sörnäinen, Vallila, Ruskeasuo, Malminkartano, Malmi, Herttoniemi, Puotinharju (2 parlors) and Itäkeskus.

Mmm…Massage…Mmmm…

 

 

If you are the kind of fox that doesn’t like cowberries, or just suffer from acute soreness and tension, please take note: The locations marked on the map are only approximations. Unless you are a Kallio resident you may need to contact the Thai Embassy to find the exact address of your nearest location.

 

Record international attendance at the 9^th Sauna World Championships in Heinloa.
Contestants from a record 16 countries sweated out through 14 rounds of hot and wet qualifiers to battle it out for the title of 2007 löyly(*) world champion. With the international contestants outnumbering the Finns for the first time the 2007 champioships turned out, as expected, into the sweatiest thriller yet.

After some epic battles were fought in the scorching 110 degrees Celsius heat through the 14 rounds of preliminaries the Finns managed to grab 2 seats in the womens final and all six mens seats!

Men’s finalists warming up (winner Timo Kaukonen is the sporty blond in the center with the mullet and tattoo)

 

As the temperatures climbed up to 130 degrees Celsius (266 degrees Fahrenheit) in the final round, it was last years champions Timo Kaukonen (Lahti, Finland) in the mens category and Leila Kulin (Helsinki, Finland) in the women’s category who came out on top and managed to renew their titles. The disqualification of Natalia Tryfanava from Belarusin the women’s final did create some unexpected extra heat.

 

As expected the super-hot-swingers-mixed-doubles bonus-category was once more confidently dominated by the numerous experienced German teams.

 

The Sauna World Championships Official Rules:

1 Enter at your own risk.

2 Alcohol or competing under the influence of alcohol is strictly forbidden.

3 The seating in the sauna is random.

4 Contestants must be able to hold the official competition posture while in the sauna.

5 No touching of the skin

6 The temperature in the competition sauna starts at 110 degrees Celsius (equals 230 degrees Fahrenheit) in the qualifiers and is raised up to 130 degrees Celsius (266 degrees Fahrenheit) in the final round

7 Moisture and heat gets up when every 30 seconds ½ litre of water is thrown on to the stove

8 Competition scene is: preliminary heats – qualifying rounds – semifinals – finals and the world champion is the one who sits the longest in the final sauna.

9 Contestants must be able to leave the sauna on their own.

 

 

The lovely 2007 Sauna World Championship Cheerleaders

 

(*) löyly = the spirit of sauna that rises when you throw water on the stove

Medical centers and hospitals struggling to treat masses of inner Helsinki community patients.

For most people in Finland the beginning of August traditionally signals the end of summer vacations. It is not unusual for returning vacationers to be experiencing irritableness and anxiety around this time of the year. Most are simply stressed out by having to return to their working routines with nothing but darkness to look forward to for the next 8 or 9 months. It is not unusual for people to experience mild anxiety attacks.

This year however in the areas around Töölönlahti, nearly 3/5 of the population have already been experiencing unusually powerful symptoms and have had to seek medical attention. The medical centers of the Eteläinen-Suurpiiri* have been caught completely by surprise. Medical staff has been forced to work round the clock to try and cope with the mass influx of patients. Unless the number of daily patients starts to drop by end of the week, the patients well enough to drive will have to be referred to the Keskinen-Suurpiiri** medical centers. According to doctors residents of Töölönlahti area are all suffering severe sauna withdrawal symptoms. While the city officials are doing everything possible to help those suffering they have also admitted that this whole epidemic could have been avoided.

On 24.7.2007, “Sauna Obscura”, a floating wood heated public sauna was opened in the middle of Töölönlahti. The name “Sauna Obscura” is apparently derived from Latin and simply means “A Floating Public Sauna”. Despite a funny sounding name the installation is a proper working sauna, guaranteed to clean both the body and soul and to vitalize the human spirit. The problem is that apparently the “floater” as it’s become known amongst the locals was never meant to be left floating for more than 2 weeks.

Now only few more days left to go, the Töölönlahti community is already suffering in the grips of withdrawals. The city officials decision to install the sauna and only leave it for 2 weeks draws heavy criticism from the doctors and other medical professionals for lack of better planning. The whole project has already been labeled irresponsible.

Doctors are left with very little they can do aside from prescribing some mild sedatives and sick leave to those who seek help. Most fear that the worst is yet to come however, as a whole part of the inner city will soon be forced to go cold turkey.

 

For now the controversial floating sauna sits peacefully in the middle Töölönlahti.

 

“Give me chastity and continence, but not yet”

-Saint Augustine

 

(*) Eteläinen-Suurpiiri = The Helsinki southern (medical) district

(**) Keskinen-Suurpiiri = The Helsinki central (medical) district